How Boudoir Helped Me Feel Empowered and IN LOVE with my Body

Hi! My name is Victoria. I’m a photographer and I am riddled with self doubt. Despite how I may appear on the outside (“She’s so together! She’s so fun and confident!”) sometimes on the inside I really can’t stand myself. Ugly, fat, annoying, self absorbed.

We’ve all been there, right?

Despite how great everything in our lives are going, we focus on one small thing that we can’t stand in that moment: my hair, my hips, my too big of boobs, my skin. Whatever it may be. It seems, at times, a never ending cycle of negative self talk.

This is something I struggle with on a weekly basis. My body hate is not as severe as it was when I was younger, but it still creeps its ugly head in every so often and stays much longer than it should. It’s such an uncomfortable guest.

You’ll never find me talking about other people’s bodies, if anything, I’m the biggest hype woman out there. “Damn girl! You’re on fire! Rock it!” And yet, despite how I talk to others, filled with confidence and encouragement, saying that to myself feels, at times, almost impossible.

As a boudoir photographer I am blessed with the ability to make women feel beautiful, sexy and confident.

I am inspired when my models want to take their pictures out in the natural world, surrounded by the beauty of mother nature, a physical reminder of our divine feminine. Boudoir photography in the forest is my favorite thing to shoot ever and Kern county offers some stunning backdrops.

With every shoot I did with my beautiful clients I felt as if I was a fraud. Here I was telling my clients how empowered they’d feel after their shoot and I had never done one myself. I was talking my truth, but I was not living my truth. So I decided to change that.

When Kelly said she wanted to start offering boudoir films as an option for our clients we started having the same discussion, “What model should we use?” And something deep inside me said, “I’ll be the model.”

And I was so happy that I volunteered.

At first, I was nervous. I’ve known Kelly since I was 13 years old, but as I got down into my bra and underwear I suddenly felt very exposed. But she made the experience so amazing for me. Within 10 minutes I stopped thinking about my body and started LOVING my body. The feedback from Kelly that I got about my modeling felt really good. I felt sexy, confident and empowered. No longer was I hearing society telling me about the things I should fix, instead, I only heard Kelly’s encouraging words. And then, something magical happened.

I started hearing my own encouraging words to myself.

We did three different types of boudoir and 3 different looks. Two in my bedroom and one on the top of Mt. Pinos. Getting down to my lingerie out in the wild was my jam! I felt so incredibly empowered, full of power and strength. I felt the strength in my body and the power in my curves. I could feel the natural world energize my entire being and whispering to me, “You’re beautiful. Your body is full of wisdom.”

I absolutely loved every minute of it after that. And it was through my own experience that I really felt the importance of boudoir. Beauty in boudoir happens when something transformative comes out of it for the model.

I am not saying that I’m 100% body positive all the time with myself, that’s not the case, but what I can say is that I have a new renewed and appreciative look at my body. I am kinder to myself, my flaws and more than ever have found the beauty in my strength. My body allows me to hike mountain tops, to travel the world. It allows me to have a physical relationship with the world and people around me. It gives me strength and wisdom. And for that I honor it.

I highly recommend that everyone participates in a boudoir in your life. Treat yourself. Who knows, maybe you’ll come out of the experience with a renewed sense of self.

view my Indoor boudoir below: